***Warning — this post contains mildly disturbing descriptions of potential bodily functions.  May not be appropriate for children.***

I understand that lots of runners have certain mantras they repeat over and over in their heads to take their minds off the pain that is running or to motivate themselves to keep going:  my tri coach’s is “Run is Fun.”  I don’t think I’ll be using that one.  For swimming, I think “Just Keep Swimming” from Finding Nemo.  Or “[S]he’s going the distance” from the Cake song — I used that one swimming from Alcatraz.  But now, I’ve finally found one that works perfect for running: Don’t Crap Your Pants.

Training today called for a 90 minute run.  I was nervous, because I hadn’t run for that long since half-marathon training in 2010.  So I started off at 6:00 a.m. this morning at a really (really!) easy pace.  The plan was to just keep running, slowly, and ignore the Garmin telling me I was too slow to EVER finish a 90 minute run, much less an Ironman.  It went really well, at first.  I allowed myself to walk a block at my turn around point.  And then, about 2 miles from home, I had a bit of an urgent situation — I needed a restroom.  Fast.  Since running was increasing the  . . . urgency . . . I slowed and tried to “walk it off.”  Um, nope.  As I glanced around for accessible bushes near the Sybase complex, I noticed the beautiful neon lights of a Shell gas station!  So I speed waddled the next half-mile, waiting at two(!!) interminable traffic lights and clenching like a madwoman, and somehow made it.  For quite a few moments there, I was worried I was going to have to call my husband and have him pick me and my “accident” up.  What got me through?  What kept me trudging along and holding it in yard after painful yard?  You guessed it, it was my mantra!  Don’t crap your pants, don’t crap your pants, don’t crap your pants.  And I didn’t.  So a good morning after all!  (in case you care, I finished the run after that and did okay).

So three mornings waking up at 5:45 a.m., a swim workout, two run workouts, a bike workout, and clean drawers.  All in all, a good week of training so far!!